My Journey

My journey with cancer and my fight with my mental health have been challenging — but they have also been transformative.

Being diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer that has metastasised to my stomach has shown me just how brutal the physical and emotional toll of serious illness can be. But what many people don’t see is that I was already going through a lot before my diagnosis — and I’m still dealing with the aftermath of that now.

Before I even knew about the cancer, my life had become messy, overwhelming, and emotionally chaotic. I made mistakes. I hurt people. I hurt myself. And at my lowest point, I tried to end my life because of the drama I had caused and the weight of everything I was carrying.

I want to be clear about something:
I am not a nasty person — or at least, I don’t believe I am.
But I am human, and humans can make devastating mistakes when they are overwhelmed, traumatised, and not coping.

After that attempt, the Crisis Team became involved. I told them everything about what I had done — but I never mentioned that I had been diagnosed with cancer. They didn’t find out until after I’d already had my first round of chemotherapy. The moment my Crisis Team therapist Gavin met Julie from Macmillan was… surreal, to say the least. Darkly funny, in the way only real life can be.

This space is where I share my 100% truth — about what happened, what I’ve been through, and what I’m still navigating. I’m not writing this to shock people or excuse my behaviour. I’m writing it because my therapists have told me that getting it all out — honestly, fully, without filters — is part of healing.

Through all of this, I’ve learned the importance of mental resilience and the value of a strong support system. I’ve learned how fragile people are — including myself — and how easy it is to unravel when life hits from every angle at once.

So here I am, writing it all down. For myself. For anyone who might recognise pieces of their own story in mine. And for those who want to understand what it’s really like when cancer and mental health collide.

What you read here is all true.
And to the people involved in my drama — I am so sorry.
I can’t change what’s happened, but I am doing my best now to do right by everyone, including myself.

This is my journey.