When Someone Tells You the Truth Gently

I spoke to Aoife today.

Not in a big, dramatic way — just one of those quiet conversations that stays with you long after it’s finished. She talked me through how to explain the trial to friends and family, how people might react, how their fear can sometimes come out sideways as questions, panic, or silence.

That part helped.

But then I told her the truth.

I told her I wanted to speak to Ryan.

She didn’t sugar-coat her response.

She told me, calmly and kindly, that Ryan has already told me how he feels — and that I keep hurting myself by not accepting it. She said I don’t owe him updates, explanations, or access to my life anymore. That chasing someone who has already stepped away only reopens wounds that are trying to heal.

She wasn’t harsh.

She wasn’t judgemental.

She was honest.

And that honesty landed hard.

Because the part of me that keeps reaching out isn’t doing it out of hope anymore — it’s doing it out of habit. Out of unfinished feeling. Out of wanting the ache to stop.

Aoife said something that stuck with me: sometimes letting go isn’t about strength — it’s about kindness. Kindness to yourself. Kindness to the parts of you that are already carrying more than enough.

She’s probably right.

Letting him go doesn’t mean he didn’t matter.

It doesn’t mean what we had wasn’t real.

It doesn’t mean I’m pretending I don’t feel anything.

It just means I’m choosing not to keep bleeding in the same place.

It hurts. Of course it does. You don’t detach from someone instantly just because logic tells you to. Feelings fade on their own timeline.

But knowing something is over — really knowing it — brings a different kind of pain. Quieter. Heavier. And strangely, clearer.

Maybe this is what acceptance looks like.

Not relief.

Not peace yet.

Just the moment you stop reaching out — and start turning back toward yourself instead.

I don’t know how long it will take for the hurt to soften. But I do know this: I don’t owe anyone my energy except the people who can meet me where I am now.

I will match people's energy  now they call me i will call them, they text i will reply . Its taken this fucking long to realise im worth more, he doesnt have to forgive me, im still trying to forgive myself for what I did but im learning from my mistake ,